God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
