my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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