All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize