His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
