This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
