so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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