Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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