there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
