He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
