On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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