i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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