I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
