I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
