Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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