Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
