i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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