6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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