Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
