I love black thongs
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I will pee on everything he values.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
