the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
