you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
