The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
