I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
