He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
