You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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