Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
