I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
