My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
