you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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