im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My hand turned me down
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
