I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
