So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
