It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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