I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
