Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize