Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
