Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
