went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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