put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
