Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
