He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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