he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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