After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
