my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
