I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
