he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
