yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
