i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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