I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
