i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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