How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
