As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
