don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
