ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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