Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
