he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
