Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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