it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
