3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
