he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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