it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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