Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
