i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
