New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
