I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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