I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
