I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dicks are not precious.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
