i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize