Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
