how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
