i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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