I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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