A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
