her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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