I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
