I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All the doctor said was why
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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