I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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