About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
