i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
