And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize