I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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