Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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