I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
