haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
