Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
