Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
