Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
