I hate your face
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
