And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
