yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
