I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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