a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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