I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
