Having a random hookup so left but love u
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
