i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
