We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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