White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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