talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
