oh god the rape fog is back!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dignity is for republicans.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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