girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
