I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
