Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
