go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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