you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize