I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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